Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Solstice Venus

Tuesday, June 20 - Solstice.

High temperatures and high pollen counts have come to the Willamette Valley. This makes it difficult to decide if one should open the windows to air out the house or not.  It also makes it difficult to do things in the afternoon -- between the two I found myself taking a nap.  And then staying up a little later than normal.

This morning, I woke up briefly at 4 to watch the crescent moon and Venus, which were right next to each other.  Night was just beginning to surrender to twilight, so the sky was dark and the stars were still bright.  Unfortunately for viewing, so was my neighbor's front porch light.  Out back, the moon and Venus were low in the sky, and difficult to see through the trees.

Later, around 6, the moon and Venus were surprisingly higher in the sky.  I watered the plants and as the rising sunlight painted cherry tree's leaves pink, I could still see the moon and Venus shining next to each other.  Since the Summer Solstice is in twenty-eight hours, I sang "Center of the Sun" as I watered.  A half-an-hour later, the moon still guides the eye to Venus's secret peripheral flash in a brightening sky.



I haven't been writing about the gym lately, but I have been going.  Monday night:  250 cal on the elliptical; 100 cal on the cable rowing machine.   3x13x60lbs on the pec fly;  3x13x70lbs on the lat pull-down; 3x13 Roman chair hanging curls.  3x13x35lbs barbell curls, 3x13x35 reverse barbell pulls.  3x13x20 lbs triceps pulldowns.

The previous two visits, the gym's stereo had been broken; I really liked not having to hear songs like "Lay Down Sally," and "Keep on Rocking Me Baby," which are basically guys trying to pick up women for a one night stand.

I feel like I'm back to my pre-spring levels.  My arm strength feels good, and I'm liking the way my body is looking (well, OK, I'm still working on the old-thin-guy bicycle tire that starts at my back and meets at my belly).  I read up a little on chin-ups, and it appears that my next goal is to work on my grip strength so I can hang from a bar for longer than ten seconds.  And I should do a quick front- side- and reverse-plank routine at home on non-gym days.



Writing has been... slow.  I had a good session Saturday where I sort of closed my eyes and worked on a story for a while; I got 800 words (and a few typos when my hands drifted off the keyboard) and the solid beginning of a story out of that.  But it lately--and by lately I mean for the last four months--writing short stories has been like walking back and forth at the edge of a swampy morass, thinking that there's a island hill you'd like to get to, but choosing the best way to begin is not clear and making any progress is countered by wading through deepening muck and a sense that maybe the hill you thought you wanted to get to wasn't what you actually had in mind.

Hmm.  Time to see why this might be the case and make some adjustments to sleep, eating, and discipline.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Searching at Reed Reunion

Friday I went to Reed for my 30 year reunion.


I jumped into the car at more-or-less 5 AM and drove to Portland, beating most of the early morning commuters and pulling into Reed two hours later.  I think the last time I spent any time on the campus was 1992.  The parking lot had expanded, the laurel hedge that had provided caves of green between the campus and the local golf course was gone.  There was a new, modernish-looking building dominating the lot, which I later learned was a Performance Center.
The campus was opened in the early 1900's; the older brick buildings have griffins and owls and gargoyles carved above doorways and windows.  I would say the style is Gothic, or maybe some secular, American Neo-Gothic -- maybe pre-Arts-and-Crafts, with a romantic nod to Medievalism.   Originally, the plan was for long rows of brick crenelations to form square courtyards spanning the 150-some acreage of the college, but building didn't get that far.  The buildings tend to run east-west, with newer 50's and 60's glass and concrete box buildings appearing in the east, and 70's-90's buildings popping up in the west, near the parking lot I was parked in.

I straightened out my long, brightly-colored Dr. Who scarf and wandered around the Old Dorm Block and Commons area with the vague notion that I'd bump into one of my old classmates.  A tree in front of Doyle Dorm was missing the limb I used to sit on and read.  There was a large, white, empty tent in the middle of the quad between Old Dorm Block and the remodeled commons.  Another tree west of Elliot Hall that I used to sit in and read was gone altogether.   The quiet and emptiness and vaguely misplaced landscape was like being at Reed and not at the same time.

Reed sometimes is the back-drop for my dreams.  Typically, I fly around Elliot Hall, or I'm walking along the brick buildings of a dream mash-up of the Old Dorm Block (which I never lived in) and other vaguely collegiate buildings, trying to find something.  The sense of being in some kind of dreamscape was set by wandering around a mostly empty campus under partially-cloudy skies, and continued throughout the day.


Things picked up during check-in, because there were actual awake people in search of coffee (I had a thermos mug of tea).  I kept expecting to meet old classmates, but I didn't see anyone I recognized as I got breakfast.  Over the day, I continued to see folks who I mistook for classmates, but who, upon reflection, couldn't be that young, or if they did look sufficiently fifty-something, weren't.  There were a lot of older alumni -- which I should have expected, since it was a Friday morning and anyone under retirement age would be working -- so I felt like I was on some sort of Elderhostle Cruise.  My classmates either were on a field-trip, or driving in from their local homes.

I took a hike from the outdoor amphitheatre and headed east, toward the Art Building.  The Thesis Bridge had been replaced last time I visited (so I was expecting the new one), and the paths seemed farther away from The Lake than I recalled.  I passed a young woman going west with an umbrella.  The only traces of the old wide pipe you could cross the lake over were the remains of sinking wooden trestles.  I met another woman heading west; her dog seemed surprised by my scarf.   There were more wooden walkways, and the path seemed more maintained than it did in the 80's.  I followed it to the overgrown fens, where Crystal Creek runs through foliage and it's easy to pretend that Portland,  the Woodstock Neighborhood,  and even the buildings of Reed are in some distant realm.  

I continued east, and entered into a grove of trees.  Then I hit a Y in the path; this was odd, because there hadn't been a Y in the woods that I remembered.  I walked a little more east, and recognized a special tree.   Something was different; I took the other branch of the Y and came out at the Art Building (or, as we used to call it, the "'Is It Art Yet?' Building."  Working it out later, I realized the Y in the 80's had been at the edge of a meadow--but in the thirty years since I walked the path, the trees had grown over, advancing almost to the Art Building itself.  I peered into the room where we used to do calligraphy.

I went to the Library; the front is now a glassed in emergency exit, and the men's room with the Camel Cigarettes graffiti is ... a closet?  Even after visiting twenty-five years ago, I'm still weirded out by the conversion of the open-air courtyard where we once danced under a Renn Faire Full Moon into a sky-lighted periodical reading room.

I spent about a half hour doing calligraphy -- the person running the workshop hadn't heard about Deborah Gwartney, who had run calligraphy for about two years in the 80's -- and then went on a rare book collection tour.  Even though I had a brief stint as a student worker in the catalogue department, I never knew that the Reed Library had things like parchment that Pope Urbane had written on.  They also had a Renaissance song book that was monster-sized so that all the monks in a monastery could gather around it and sing.

Half against my will, I found myself in the Theses Tower, where I pulled out my thesis.  I'd forgotten the title was "'...To Get a Ten Cent Debt Off My Conscience:'  A Study in Posted Feedback."  It was about as campy as I remember.  I looked at photos of myself from thirty years ago -- I was wearing a dark jacket with a paisley lining and lots of buttons on my lapel.  I had to laugh a little because thirty years later I was wearing a dark jacket shot with purple threads, a purple satin lining, and a pink triangle pin and a silver lizard pin.

The first person I ran into that I knew was Professor Albyn Jones, my old statistics instructor, at lunch.  He's retiring soon; I remember when he first arrived at Reed and taught us all the S statistics package.  We had a nice chat, along with another alumna -- what struck me about her story was that after Reed she'd had a series of various jobs, the theme of which was, "And then I taught myself....."

After lunch, I ran into Professor Irena Swanson during her presentation of quilts (which are cool).  I was expecting the scarf to help people recognize me, but Irena said that she recognized me by my gait.  Now that I think about it, when I bumped into one of my old high school friends a few years ago, the first thing out of her mouth was, "Oh my, you still have the same mannerisms and gestures."  It's funny what stays the same.

After the talk, I went on a tour of the steam tunnel, which I'd never been in.  The graffiti was interesting, and we were encouraged to add our own.  I wrote "The cake is a lie!" on one of the pipes.

I did more traipsing around campus:  the mailroom had been moved to the opposite end of the commons building, and the bookstore had been moved.  The old spiral staircase was gone, too.  I wandered around to Elliot Hall; the old Terminal Ward was somebody's office, and my old thesis office was now an elevator shaft.  At Elliot Hall, I ran into Chris Lydgate and some other alumni.

Chris was the first person to recognize me from the scarf.  He's currently the editor of Reed Magazine.   We looked at more bits of Elliot Hall:  the shortened lecture hall on the second floor and the removed chalkboard replaced by a door (but the wooden dentals surrounding missing chalkboard's frame are still there).  I got the sense that we were reassuring each other that we remembered things the same way.  While I was speaking to Chris, I said, "The thing that this reunion has driven home to me is that the past has a physicality that we can't return to."

At dinner, other folks from my class appeared:  Suzi Abe, Stephan G, Dave Baxter, Jane Leu, and Irena gathered together.  Stephan pulled out an old photo album and someone, possibly, Suzi said, "We were just children."  And we were -- it was about then that I realized that I had been superimposing my 1980's memories of what people looked like over their current faces.  We fell into conversation with an ease that I hadn't expected, but should have given our shared time at Reed.  We wondered where folks not there were (I'd spent a lot of time with 1986 folks).  We commiserated about some of the nonexistent student counseling we got.  We had a lot of fun recalling old times.

And then it was time to go.  I had to drive back home and prepare for The Child's Birthday Party Nerf Gun Extravaganza.  I walked with my class to their evening Trivia Event, said good-bye, and did one last circuit of campus.

There was a special dinner going on the old Theatre Building, and the old black box theatre had been replaced with administrative offices.  The path following the creek below the building was gone, or at least not visible.  I took a new bridge over the lower canyon and looked for the lower meadows, but I couldn't see them.  I used to be able to walk along canyon trails from the Theatre Building to the Is-It-Art-Building, but I had a feeling that wasn't the case anymore.  The meadow where we'd feasted one Renn Faire was overgrown.   I walked through the cross-canyon dorms -- I'd lived in McKinley -- which were in various states of de- or re-construction.  The deck which had run outside my room was gone.

I crossed the new bridge spanning the middle of the canyon for one last look at Elliot Hall; its ruddy brick Neo-gothic rampart rose up in the early evening sky.  An irrational pulse of nostalgia welled up within me -- could I come back to Reed but... the only way to return to Reed would be as a student; as an employee of Reed, I'd A) have to apply and be hired by the college, B) move to Portland, and C) it wouldn't be community I'd had in the 1980's.   And it was the nerdy, wordy, crazy, autodidactic community that I wanted and have tried to re-find where ever I live.

I headed back to the parking lot.  Sounds from scattered parties and dinners under outdoor lights or from lounges joined the sounds of the evening.

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Gym Report and Stuff

Went to the gym Sunday.  30 minutes and 310 calories on the elliptical.  3x13x60lbs on the pec fly.  3x13x80lbs on the lat pull-down.  3x13 hanging curls on the Roman Chair.  3x12x35lbs barbell curls.  3x12x35lbs reverse barbell pull-ups.  3x12x30lbs triceps pull-downs.

Lots of projects hanging in the air this week.   The Child's birthday is coming up, and I've designed a Nerf Gun target out of cardboard that sorts the bullets into trays depending on where on a target they hit.  There's several writing deadlines looming, too.  I'm also going to Reed for a day to participate in the 30 year celebration going on.  

The most recent distraction is a game I purchased called 4-D Toys.  It draws 4 dimensional objects like tesseracts onto a dimensional space and then you can manipulate them.  It's possible to knock objects out of the dimensional space you're looking at, and then they disappear.  It's also possible for one part of a tesseract that isn't in your 3D space to knock into another hidden tesseract and have that one slide into the 3D space.  It's confusing.  And fun.

It's pollen season.  I don't mind so much, although I could do without the itchy eyes.  Mark is being hit much more severely.  The last few weeks have been cooler and damper, so I'm not sure if that's prolonging the pollen or making it more severe or what.  

The last few mornings have been cloudy, but today (Tuesday) I managed to see Venus.  It's a few days after Venus's greatest elongation, but Venus is still very high in the morning sky.  The following days have been overcast, and Friday is supposed to be cold and rainy.  Which I kind of like.

Sunday, June 04, 2017

Impressions of Ghosts

I had the oddest sensation of ghosts the other day.  I was in an old dormitory building that had been converted into an administrative office.  The hallway and the small doors lining it took on a constricting aspect, and although the hall was empty, it felt like I pressed through clusters of people congealed out of time.  If I wasn't at work, I would have stopped for a moment to see what other impressions came.

I did a quick Internet search, and the building in question doesn't pop up on any lists of haunted Eugene or campus sites (the closest is the cemetery near the Knight Library).

Gym:  I've gone to the gym two times since the last time I posted about the gym; a little less than I'd like.  And in fact... I'm off to the gym now.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Piano Parts

Here.

Have some photos of the mechanics of piano keys...



Our local piano teacher received a part of a piano.
I wanted to photograph it as soon as I saw it.  These are the hammers that strike the piano wires.
I think this is where the piano wires would terminate.
The mechanical parts of the keys were finely machined and balanced pieces of wood held in place by metal pins and balanced with lead weights.
The hammer-and-keys were complicated -- the idea is that the hammers bounce up and then fall back a little to allow the strings to vibrate.  

There are a lot of felt and cork pads where the bits of mechanism meet.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Reunion Ruminations

Went to the gym Monday.  Short session.  25 minutes on the elliptical for 270 cal.  3x12x60lbs on the pec-fly.  3x12x80lbs on the lat pulldown (back to my old Fall level).  3x12x35 barbell curls.  3x8x30lbs triceps curls.

My hand and feet joints have been bothering me the last few days.  I'm hoping it's caused by the rain-again-sun-again weather we've been having.  I know when it's bad when I clutch fresh tea mugs in my hand the same way David Carradine branded his forearms by pressing them against an iron hot cauldron.

The last iris bloom is in the back.  We've had roughly two weeks of them, and now they are almost gone until next May.


Went to the gym Thursday.  About 20 minutes and 180 cal on the elliptical.  10 minutes and 120 cal on the cable row machine.  3x12x60lbs on the pec-fly.  3x13x80lbs on the lat pull down.  3x12 hanging curls on the Roman Chair.  12x20lbs + 2X1230lbs on the the tricpts pull-down.  Some assorted assisted chin-ups.

I'm in a bit of a dither about my 30th Reed Reunion.

+ On one hand, it would be fun to go.

- On the other, the timing is really awkward.  It coincides with The Child's Birthday, and I'd considered going for one day before-hand... which means Birthday Prep would need to be juggled around.

+ On the first hand,  Reed was a good fit in a lot of ways for early-tween me.  

- Back on the other hand... eh, Reed-schmeed... it seems like a fund-raising event disguised as a party.

+ Back on the "go" hand, it would be fun to tour the reactor and see the campus (I haven't been in... 1992 ?).

- On the other hand, sometimes when I think about instances of lack of educational guidance I got there, I get angry -- yeah, I was hapless -- and I fell for the Big Lie of Reed about grades don't matter at Reed.   My friends used to joke that I was a Theatre Major disguised as a Physics Major disguised as a Psych Major.

+  Then again, going to Reed resulted in my career of User Services.  Not that I studied math there or anything...

Grumble.  I suppose underneath some of this is a sense that the Reunion will feed my imposter syndrome....



Saturday I got up early, wrote for about an hour, then went to the gym for a 90 minute session.  About 35 minutes and 350 cal on the elliptical (if I can believe the machine, I burnt off a Snickers bar).  5 minutes and 50 cal on the cable row machine.  3x12x60lbs on the pec-fly.  3x13x80lbs on the lat pull down.  3x12 hanging curls on the Roman Chair.  3x12x35 barbell curls.  3x8x35 reverse barbell pulls.  3x12x30lbs on the the tricpts pull-down.  

Monday, May 15, 2017

Gym Time and Body Image

Went to the gym Thursday.   Did a set of regular and side-planks just before the gym.  15-20 minutes on the cable rowing machine for 200 calories.  3x12x60lbs on the pec fly machine.  3x13x70lbs on the lat pull-downs.  3x13 hanging curls on the Roman Chair. 3x12x35lbs barbell curls.   I think this has been a not-so-good week for eating too much junk food, because my belly fat seems more prominent and I've gained about two pounds.

The other day at the swimming pool when I was getting dressed, I happened to look up and saw my reflection in the mirror.  I look ... kind of stout.  Not fat, but jiggly like a serving of Spam.  Or like a retired wrestler.  I think I expected to look more defined, at least in the arms, after swimming (OK, sliding down the water slide). It was a "...my body's alright / but not at this angle / and not in this light" moment.  

Yes; I'm focusing on abs.  Yes; I know belly fat is hard to get rid of and you can't spot target fat.  Yes; I know I probably want a 10% body fat body without having to give up various snacks which are probably keeping me at 20%.  Yes; momento mori "and we all loose our shape in the end."  

I suppose it's time to eat more vegetables or something.

Gym Saturday:  Somehow I was the first person at the gym and for about five minutes I was the only person.  20 minutes and 200 calories on the elliptical.  10 minutes on the cable rowing machine for 110 calories.  3x12x60lbs on the pec fly machine.  3x12x70lbs on the lat pull-downs.  3x13 hanging curls on the Roman Chair. 3x12x35lbs barbell curls.  3x12x35 reverse barbell pulls.   

Sunday we had a nice visit with my family in Corvallis.  My dad prepared a hearty brunch for us for Mother's Day.  There was dog walking, piano playing, and computer consulting.  Afterward, we helped my sister with various craft projects for my niece's upcoming mermaid-themed birthday party.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Does it Count?

Quick Post.

No gym time since Saturday.  But I did have a power-walk for ten blocks on Sunday (I was surprised how far I got in about 10 minutes; I guess sessions on the elliptical paid off.)  Monday night I swam five or so laps in a pool (Australian Crawl and Breast Stroke), plus free swimming in a wave pool and closing down the Water Slide!

I just Googled "should I be embarrassed about playing on a water slide" and I think the answer is "No; you should be worried that you could be killed on a water slide."  Bleah.

Monday, May 08, 2017

Conquering? Architecture

While I was watching a short film about a menhir, one of the speakers, presumably an architect, said something along the lines of "architecture is about domination; as soon as you stand up a stone, it confronts you:  you must stop or go around it."   This was all said while a camera panned over rows and rows and rows of standing stones--some with glyphs carved onto them--near a shoreline.   I'm pretty sure phrases like "conquer the landscape" were in there, too.  

The words struck me as very stereotypical white-European-male, because I always thought architecture (at least non-military architecture) was a response to the questions, "how do I make a safe space for my family?" and "how do I arrange building elements into an aesthetically pleasing fashion?" and "how do present the space as a delightful puzzle of discovery?"  not, "how do I conquer you?"

The stones were raised in paleolithic times, when Alpine jade axe heads were status items.  I'd like to think that humans in this time were less isolated by civilization from the natural word, and that in part the stones were an artistic or "natural" response to the natural world.   There was some evidence that the stones were being used as maps and safe channel markers; that they were a reaction to the surrounding waters... OK, given the boat  and axe imagery, and possibly chronicles of invaders or explorers.  The documentary mentioned that wave glyphs on the stones could be indicative of a final funerary voyage.  (I've romantically imagined a passage through a Labyrinth of Waves.)  

But what if the stones were sympathetic magic to control the sea currents -- or an artistic expression of the waves executed in standing stones on the land?  Maybe the rows and rows of stones are like the rows and rows of grave markers at Arlington.  Unlike some of the shore-side dolmens ('The Merchants' Table), I don't know if there are graves under all the stones lining the shore (research!) but I could imagine a line of the dead standing between a village and the power of the sea. 

But then again, maybe the stones are a kind of phallic marker, the architectural equivalent of pissing on a tree to mark a territory.  I'm trying to think what the difference between a wolf or a bear or a cat  marking a territory and a human doing it is.  It's like pissing one's name in the snow, which I've never understood the appeal of....  Which I guess is me asking the question, "If a man pisses in the woods, is space conquered?"

I'm sure there's a metaphor in there somewhere.

Saturday, May 06, 2017

Archeology and the Gym

Gym (Thursday): 20 minutes and 210 calories on the elliptical.  10 minutes and 110 calories on the cable row machines.  3x12x60lbs on the pec fly.  3x13x70lbs on the lat pull-down.  3x12 hanging curls on the Roman Chair.  3x12x30lbs barbell curls.  3x12x30lbs reverse barbell pulls.  3x12x20lbs triceps pull-downs.  Assorted random stuff.

I've been viewing archeology and culture films at the Archeology Channel's film festival.  So far The Enigma of the Great Menhir has been my favorite, although I thought Chambord: The Castle, the King and the Architect  was interesting.   Menhir featured standing stones in Brittany (near the "Merchants' Table"), put up in paleolithic times.  The stones followed the shoreline, which has moved depending on how much ice was at the pools, and some (presumably) older stone lines are under water.  Wavy lines on the menhirs are interpreted as currents and whirlpools in the local waters; the most surprising carving is a symbolic representation of sperm whales.  Alpine jade axeheads also appear in the iconography.

Chambord is a French Renaissance castle, financed by Francis I, and possibly designed by Leonardo daVinci.  It had a lot of cool photography and videography, but seemed a little light on the "secrets" of its design.  The design of the castle is very interesting:  a square with a double-helix staircase in the center.  The main mystery seems to be that the north tower's floorplan was flipped to accommodate  and shorten Francis I's path between two of the towers.  There was lots of period costume and scene reenactment, and the film was more historical than architectural.

Other films and shorts have been interesting.  I came away from a few wishing that I understood French so I could focus on the interesting artifacts in the film without being distracted by the English subtitles.   So far, in these films I think it's obligatory to have

  • a flame-lit battle scene with metallic clanking
  • Autocad Porn featuring reconstruction overlays
  • arch looks from courtiers
  • elderly elders ritually chanting
  • backlit archeologists scuffling through narrow ducts
  • a close-up of a 3-D laser scanner shooting lasers
  • earnest young techs crouching over mobile tablet devices
  • dramatic video from drones as they buzz around a landscape

Now that I think about it, the one short I saw that didn't have these obligatory elements was a kind of whimsical review of Epicurean Inscriptions, which kind of felt more like a cross between Diogenes 101 and a Research Fund Drive.  About half-way through it there was a short segment focused on goats, and after that the lead researcher in the film reminded of the Frank, the Famous Historian from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  I kept expecting them to turn over one of the stones of old Oinoanda and reveal an ancient inscription reading "FORTY-TWO", which would then be the object of a chase scene involving Epicureans and Stoics and there would be a shouting match about sex and the greatest good and someone would have to yell, "Nobody expects the Stoics!"


Gym (Saturday): 25 minutes and 250 calories on the elliptical.  5 minutes and 50 calories on the cable row machines.  3x12x60lbs on the pec fly.  3x13x70lbs on the lat pull-down.  3x12 hanging curls on the Roman Chair (I had to stop in the middle because I was laughing too hard at Hearts' "Magic Man" which sounds like it came from the sound-track of a Go-Go Dancer collection, and is right up there with Lead Zeppelins' "Whole Lotta Love" and Queen's "Fat Bottom Girls" as far as songs they play in my gym that will make me drop a barbell weight on my foot because I'm laughing too hard).   Assorted free-weight stuff.

Tuesday, May 02, 2017

Irises

The iris are blooming this week.  I was looking through old pictures and the first week of May is usually when the swords send up their flags.  Our irises are mostly purple, which I like.  Sometimes, I wish we had the Great Bearded Irises that I grew up with and which came from a stock from my Mother's Mother's farm -- but they died out or were eaten decades ago.  Oh well.

I think this will be a good iris year, there's been an (over?) abundance of rain, it's been pleasantly cool, and the irises have many buds waiting for the sun to come out, which it's supposed to do in a few days.  I'm thinking with the increased light and heat, the iris will put out a much stronger scent.  I love the earthy, not quite licorice, not quite patchouli, sugary, potent, warm, and dark fragrance -- like the purple hearts of the iris were transforming sunlight into incense for the night.

Monday, May 01, 2017

Ides of Spring Revelation

May First - The Ides of Spring.   I had a revelation about why it's been hard to write this one short story:  it's because I want to write about what a society where the male erotic is an acknowledged creative force and my inner sensor/critic is clamping down on the process because it's too risque.  I want to convey a sense of tribal male (see, even "tribal male" sounds like a porn studio) without going too far into Homosexual Utopia Territory or Iron John Land.  And I realized that I was approaching the writing as if I were a 21st C man with various hang-ups, but if I wrote the story from the point-of-view from the people on Planet Valued Male Eros, then writing about tingly bits would be every day.

For a little bit of research, I re-read Jane Yolen's "Cards of Grief," which has a lot of hetero- and homosexual situations in it without being Overtly Graphic about it -- and which she does with a combination of courtly language, flowery euphemisms, and post-coital-under-the-sheets scenes.


Went to the Gym Sunday:  25 minutes and 250 cal on the elliptical; 10 minutes and 120 calories on the cable rowing machine.  This time there was a grunting, moaning, and sibilant woman clanking weights around.  3x12x60lbs on the pec fly.  3x13x70lbs on the lat pull-down.  3x12x30lbs barbell curls and reverse barbell pull-ups.  3x13 hanging curls on the Roman Chair.  3x12x30lbs on the triceps curl.  Some assisted dips and chin-ups on the machine, but that was at full assist, so I'm not sure it counts, except as a cool-down.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

New Moon Bleahs

Yesterday (Thursday) was a bad day.  I woke up in an odd mood with a bad 70's ballad in my head (don't ask me where the heck that came from because I wouldn't mind forgetting it -- the only good thing was that it wasn't a Rod Stewart song) -- and spent a lot of the day in a funk and dealing with ennui, feeling unproductive and unaccomplished... gnawing on the questions, why does it seem that all our friends have moved away?  why don't we go dancing?   how come I'm not doing group ritual at full moons or solar holidays?  why haven't I made more writing sales?   why am I feeling nothing?

My writing is stalled in world-building mode right now; I've got a great setting, but no characters have come forward to have their stories told -- well... that's not entirely true, I've got some ideas, but they feel very contrived.   But the planet the story is taking place on is stunning.  Ugh; I need to re-read this list a few hundred times.  Maybe I should stop writing.  Maybe I should stop writing short stories and try a novel.

Despite my setting up some calendar events, I completely forgot about the Starhawk lectures being given on campus and in the Eugene Public Library.   That I could have forgotten would have been unthinkable in 2003 -- because it would have been the only think I could think about and I would have been in a community of folks also unable to think of anything else.  She was talking about writers and social change; I wasn't sure how it would apply to either my writing or how I live, but it would have been interesting to hear how Starhawk made her choices when she was writing "The Fifth Sacred Thing" (granted, I enjoyed "Walking to Mercury" more), especially in the light of the anthology "Sword and Sorceress."


I went to the gym.  200 cal in 20 minutes on the elliptical.  100 cal in 10 minutes on the cable rowing machine.  Downstairs some tattooed gorilla was grunting and dropping his barbells on the floor.  That, combined with "Dust in the Wind" playing over the gym's sound system sent me upstairs for some assisted dips and chin-ups.  3X12X60lbs on the pec-fly.  3X12X70lbs on the lat pull-down.  3X12 hanging curls on the Roman Chair.  3X12X30lbs barbell curls.  2X12X20lbs on the triceps pull-down. Some assorted 12lb dumbbell work... um, some reverse pull-ups,  some over-head triceps pulls, and a lot of shoulder shrugs.  There was an awkward moment when a thirty-something guy on a bench next to me was doing butterfly-curls on his back -- he was wearing clingy (and high definition) spandex shorts and I quickly focused on the reflection of my nose in the gym's mirrors as I did more over-head curls -- all the while wondering if this was some form of gym flirting or if was simply a leering fifty-year-old.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Saturday Science

Saturday was Science! day.  I delivered posters from The Child's class to the UO Science Fair; which required being on campus around 10AM.   And reconfiguring the car.  And packing enough snacks and umbrellas and hats and coats to be prepared for the day.  Mark walked to campus and The Child and I drove everything to Willamette Hall, where the fair was.

We helped set up a little, and then looked at all the presentations.  The Child's project (he was the lead investigator) was about testing herbicides; he had control grass, and other hapless pots of grass that he or his team had poured salt or boiling water or vinegar on.   Other kids had exhibits like, what interferes most with WiFi signals, which car will go the fastest, and how much mechanical advantage do different ten-speed bike gears give.  Various groups--like the library--had demo booths.

The Grandparents and my sister came down and looked at everything.  Mom wasn't feeling so mobile, so we found some chairs and had a nice chat.  We managed to get pictures of The Child being grilled by the fair judges.  Other events called them back to Corvallis, and by then it was time for the Eugene March for Science.   I met up with Ray V. and all the other marchers in front of the Knight Library, and after the rally was finished, every turned and marched toward the student union building.  Mark and The Child were walking the other way to get some food, and briefly joined the march... but somehow we missed each other.   Ray and I chatted about writing and critique groups as we walked... neither of us is an actual bona-fide scientist, but we were marching anyway.

All day was a raining then sunny then raining again day, but during the march, it warmed up enough that I took off my coat.  About halfway through, I snuck out of the parade to get back to the Science Fair.  More friends of The Child had shown up, so they were running around looking at all the exhibits.  Around 3 PM there was a science demonstration and awards, and The Child's project managed to get first place (in the life-sciences devision, we think; there were so many participants this year that the judges created several divisions).  

Sunday I was tired.  Rain fell most of the day, and I think we all wanted to lie around the house, curled up with a book and hot cocoa by a fire.  Except all we really had were some books and the Internet.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Monday Gym

Monday I went to the gym.  Someone was on my regular elliptical, so I hopped on another one and watched the news.  200 cal in about 20 minutes.  100 cal in 10 or so minutes on the rowing machine.  3X12X60lbs on the pec-fly.  3X12X70 on the lat pull-down.  3X12 curl-ups on the Roman Chair.  3X12X30lbs barbell curls.  2X12X30lbs barbell reverse pulls (or was that 3X12?).  2X12X20lb triceps pull-downs.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Gym and Writing Reports

Gym Report:  Went to the gym last Monday and again Wednesday night.  Did the typical stuff.  200 cal on the elliptical, 100 cal on the rowing machine, 60 lbs on the pec-fly, 70 lbs on the lat pull-down, 3X12 Roman chair curl-ups, 30lbs bar-bell curls and reverse-pulls, 20lbs tricepcs pull-down.  Sadly (?) I've lost strength staying away from the gym in March, and a short-term goal is to get back to ten pounds heavier on all my weights (back to my January levels).

Writing:  The new work schedule has kind of thrown me for a loop, and I haven't mustered the discipline to write during the mornings or evenings when I actually have some time.  I have been snatching twenty to thirty minutes here and there.

Made the mistake of opening my e-mail Friday morning and found a 3AM story form rejection from a market I've been trying to break into and which I had a good feeling that the story I'd sent them was a good match.  It's frustrating.

Some markets are very competitive, and when I get rejected by them, I'm more likely to move on.  This one I'm going through the seven stages of manuscript rejection.

  1. Anger -- "Damn it, this story is perfect for you, why didn't you buy it?" 
  2. Envy -- "OMG, you published that string of dissociated vignettes? I mean really, I could..." (opens up web site, reads random story that just happens to be brilliant prose to spite me) "...ugh. 
  3. Loathing I --  "I suppose if I don't like the stories in this market all that much, I shouldn't be submitting there.
  4. Loathing II -- "Damn this stupid market system that sets editors against writers and writers against themselves.
  5. Loathing III -- "I'm just stupid and I can't write."  
  6. Singing-Sad-Musical-Numbers -- "Heeeeere's to the Ladies who Lunch; everybody laugh / Sitting in their caftans and planning a brunch on their own behalf."  
  7. Caffeine Abuse -- "...And one for Mahler!" (pops another chocolate-covered espresso bean)

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Easter Weekend 2017

Friday night was The Great Cleaning.  This made for a relaxed rest of the weekend.


We dyed eggs this year for Easter.  I think my favorite one is the one that had leaves on it.  I punched out a leaf shape from painter's tape using a craft punch.  Then I put the leaf-shaped tape onto the egg and dyed it.  I moved the egg from dye to dye, and moved some of the tape-leaves around to create a layered effect.

Mark and I hid eggs for The Child (Mark was a better hider than I was)

Sunday friends and family came by for a brunch.  We had sauteed asperigas; baked parmisan zucchini; fruit salad; and a selection of savories:  sautéed mushrooms, sliced cucumber, dill and cream cheese and Grandma's Party Saving dip.  Mark made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

Mark got a pinaita (a purple elephant) and we had a few rounds of swinging at it.  

This year I think we were pretty good about not turning the day into a total chocolate orgy, so there were no 1:30 PM sugar crashes or anything.
  

One of this (Monday) morning's dreams involved nuns at Reed College extolling me not to fly around in my black purple cloak.  The Reed College setting isn't new; neither is flying around in my black cloak.  Nuns are a new motif.  Having other folks notice that I'm flying around and extolling me not to is a new motif, too.  

In writing news:  My story, "Dust to Smart Dust" is published at On The Premises, here: http://onthepremises.com/issues/issue-29/issue-29-honor1/ 

Friday, April 14, 2017

Gym Return

Gym:  After about six weeks (!) I made it back to the gym last Saturday.  I took it easy and eased into my usual routine, decreasing the weights by about 10 to 20 pounds.  Eliptical 20 minutes; rowing machine, about 10 minutes; pec-fly 3X12X50 lbs + 8X50lbx; lat pull-down 3X12X60lbs + 8X60lbs; Roman chair curls, 2X13; barbell curls 3X12X30lbs; reverse barbell curls 12X30lbs; uh, reverse row barbell pull 8X30lbs; triceps pulldown 3X12X20lbs.

I was pretty sore Sunday and Monday.  Tuesday after Wordos, I went in again.  Elliptical 20 minutes at about 210 calories; someone was on the rowing machine; pec-fly 3X12X60 lbs (and when my upper chest muscles snapped in a good way, I'm afraid I made a somewhat embarrassingly sensual noise -- luckily no one was around to wonder if I was having an intimate moment with the pec-fly machine); lat pull-down 3X12X70lbs; Roman chair curls, 3X13; barbell curls 3X12X30lbs;  barbell shoulder shrugs 3X8X10lbs; reverse row barbell pull 2X12X30lbs; triceps pulldown 3X12X20lbs.

Although I sort of wanted to slip into the local bar and grill where the Wordos may have been holding their post-critique gathering, I figures tequila on top of a workout probably wouldn't be doing me any favors.  I went home and had a virtuous bowl of low-fat yogurt with raspberries on top--and four squares of melted 70% dark chocolate drizzled over it. 

Thursday I was virtuous once again.  Elliptical 20 minutes at about 210 calories; someone was on the rowing machine (two people this time...); pec-fly 3X12X60 lbs; lat pull-down 3X12X70lbs; Roman chair curls, 3X13; barbell curls 3X12X30lbs;  barbell shoulder shrugs 2X8X12lbs; reverse row barbell pull 2X12X30lbs; triceps pulldown 3X12X20lbs.

Writing:  I'm working on a short story, and I'd like to use penises in it in a metaphoric way, but it's coming out like porn -- which is exactly what I don't want, because I'm trying to explore themes of holistic male-body-as-lens... maybe I'll just have my character wake up one morning and discover he's transformed into a giant penis.  Either that or press my naked paint-covered body up against plexi-glass along with a datura flower.

Monday, April 10, 2017

April Flowers

We're getting April blooms here.  The local Magnolia trees have opened, as have the (pleasantly pungent) narcissus along the side of the house and the tulips that Mark has in pots on the outside deck.  The grape hyacinth (which I particularly enjoy) are up and blooming, as is the rosemary (we have a hardy, two and a half high shrub).  The cherry tree has tight umber buds that I expect will open in a few weeks, and the irises are still only green swords.

Mark does the lions share of the yard work, and he's got foxglove, lilies, goldenrod, strawberries, and a raspberry cane going.  He's also done good things with various arbor vita trees, which give the yard a little more privacy than it had when we first moved in ten years ago.

Yesterday (Sunday)I planted some poppy and borage seeds in our yard.  I like poppies; we had a few growing last year, and I very much enjoyed their orange blossoms.  Mark doesn't care for borage much, but I like borage flowers because they are blue and purple and they attract bees.  The bees added an extra puzzle as to where to plant borage.  I think the plants would like the south facing side of our house, but I'm pretty sure The Child would object to bees being too close to various backyard activities.

On the writing front:  I'd been writing up a lecture proposal Saturday.  The way home machine availability worked out, I ended up doing a lot of it on my iPad.  This probably wasn't the best thing, because I managed to get a pretty bad headache by the end of the session.  I think it was caused by a combination of bad table ergonomics and wearing the wrong set of glasses (if I wear my old glasses, the correction is a little old; if I wear my progressive glasses, I have to tilt my head back to focus).  Thinking about it more, even though I'd propped up the iPad on an easel, it was too low.  



Tuesday, April 04, 2017

Submission Errors

Ugh. I've been wanting to submit to a market that's been closed to short fiction.  Just before turning out the light Monday night, I was looking at their website, and I could have sworn that they'd closed their poetry and opened their prose submissions.  Tuesday (today) I forced myself to get up a little early and I got everything ready for submitting to them -- I checked my word count, composed a cover letter, made sure that I'd used the proper subject line in the e-mail submission, and sent it out... only to have an auto "we're closed" reply.  When I went back to the web page, I saw that no, both prose and poetry submissions were closed.

In a fantasy, I might receive  an e-mail that said, "Dear Mr. Burridge, normally we'd think that somene who can't follow simple instructions is a boob, but the deathless prose that an author of your calibur writes transcends rules for mere mortals, and we'd like to pay you for your story twice."  Oh, I left out the getting a unicorn part.  Oh well.  I wish I could find when they're open for prose submissions, but I'm not finding the information, so I guess I'll have to re-visit their web site.  When I'm more awake.

The tree pollen count was over 500 yesterday, and I've been slightly conjested for the last week.  I don't mind the eye-goop in the corners of my eyes when I wake up, but the tickly throat is tiresome.  


Tuesday, March 28, 2017

First New Moon of Spring

Writing:  managed to get to one of the short manuscripts; I'd lost track of the edits, and had already spruced up the manuscript.  Found a missing word when I printed it out.  I decided that it was kid-friendly enough for The Child to read and he seemed to think it was funny.

Reading:  Going back and forth between "Camera Obscura" and various medieval research books.  Camera Obscura is a fun quick read, with lots of Easter eggs in it for the well read.  It's a little tropey, but that's part of it's appeal.  

(In the parking lot)  OMG, KWAX is playing some Anonymous madrigal, and the woman (?) singing Fa-la-la sounds like an honest-to-God crumhorn; I had to listen closely to be sure she wasn't doubled-up with one.  (Sung by ? El Musical Reservata ?)

The medieval books includes "The Book of Contemplation," an autobiography by  Usama ibn Munqidh, written in the 1100's (or 500's in Muslim reckoning),  the translator has left in all the instances of "may God grant him mercy" and "may God forsake him" and I think my new favorite for driving, "may God confound them". Other books include an analysis of Medieval French Romance Prose stories about giants, which includes a side section on Sir Palamedes.  

The Gym:  Any day now...

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Spring Music and Writing

Happy Spring!  It's that time of year when the mystery of new beginnings is upon us.  Or something.

I finally feel like I've got my brain back from this cold and sinus infection.  Now all I have to do is wait for the antibiotics to flush out of my system so that I can go out into the sun without worrying about being too photosensitive -- at least with all the rain we're getting, overexposure to sunlight hasn't been much of an issue.  I plan to hit the gym for the first time in about two and a half weeks.  It's funny how quickly the bicycle tire returns.

In my wanderings around Spotify, I've discovered a Danish band, called Heilung which is apparently pigeon holed into the Neofolk (folk-inspired dark ambient music) genre.  After listening to Alfadirhaiti , which I like, I decided I needed to make sure that I understood what the lyrics meant.   Because the title starts with "Alf", I thought it might have something to do with Scandinavian Elves.  But a quick perusal of a lyric site revealed that it was a hymn to Odin.  "Alfadir" probably translates to "All-Father."   Quickly zipping through their site, they have an artists' statement saying they are setting pre-Christian inscriptions to music and disavowing modern attempts to link their work to current political or religious movements (i.e. "we're not Neo-pagan Nazis, we're just using old Viking texts").   Whew.

On the writing front, I went through and collected a stack of  unfinished manuscripts.  Some simply need minor tweaks and then I  can send them out.  One is a fairy tale I need to look at  and cut out the excessive gingerbread and up some  stakes.   One is an  Arthurian romance  that loses steam and I need to up  the stakes; since I chose Sir Palamedes as a main character, I have to address his status as a Saracen (in the original stories, he's a virtuous Pagan knight who eventually converts), which means I have to be careful as a white-bread-Corvallis-boy, raised-Episcopal-turned-NeoPagan, Oregonian writer.   The more I research Sir Palamedes, the more I'm realizing that he's a complex character, and I'm not at the place where I can write from his point of view.

In other writing news, one of my stories placed in the "Space" edition of On The Premiss, so I took the family out for celebratory pizza.  Yay!  


Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Designing for the March For Science

I want to be in the local March for Science in April, and I'm thinking about a poster.

I started working on a Jupiter-based one with the thought that Galileo was forced to recant what he'd seen in the telescope (and I was so intent on the layout that I spelled science "sciece").  But I'd gotten the story mixed up:  he hadn't been forced to recant that he'd seen  moons orbiting around Jupiter. Instead, he'd recanted that the Earth orbited around the sun in a heliocentric system.  His inquisition was possibly brought on as a result of churchmen seeing themselves cast as the Simpleton in Galileo's "Dialogue" between a Simpleton, a Student and a Sage.  So my design with a telescope  and Jupiter wasn't so good.

Then I thought that I'd try to make a poster about the Burning of the Library of Alexandria, except that it might not have been burnt down so much as defunded.  There are parallels between defunding the Library and defunding NOAA, but I'm not sure how to make that a poster, much less a poster with cool-looking flames on it.

I wish we still had the Art Nouveau and Art Deco gods and goddesses of industry:  the burly men holding lightning bolts and gears, and women with wind-swept hair holding wheat and fish.  Maybe I could fashion an image of science and science funding with that style.  This line of thinking led me to images of industry and recruitment posters from the two world wars.

From there I recalled the Homeric story of how Hephaestus--or Vulcan, to use his Roman name--made a shield for Achilles, showing the good life.  Would my March for Science poster show the lame god at his forge, fashioning the circular shield and showing tools of science along the rings?  I could have flames curling out of the forge!

But the martial nature of the image --a war poem about the forging of tools of war --bothered me.  I'm marching for science, and peaceful applications of science.  Should the story be retold, with a shield of war, a shield of commerce, and a shield for the rest of us?  Maybe I should turn to the goddess Athena -- didn't she create a mechanical owl?  Oh, wait, no, that was the original "Clash of the Titans."

I was coming to the conclusion that I didn't have a good narrative, something that would make a good visual image, like Prometheus bound.  Er...  Albert Einstein working out relativity?  Richard Feynman's quantum mechanics notation?  Robert Oppenheimer and the work on the atomic bomb?  Mr. Spock deciphering glyphs on an alien obelisk?  Commander Data learning the Vulcan nerve pinch?  Frankenstein and his monster?

I think it's a misstep to focus on one specific scientist, not because I don't want to celebrate particular scientist, but because I'm marching to show that I think science should be funded on a national level and data and the scientific interpretation of data should inform long-term national policy.



I went to the library to try to find mythical figures in science which would suggest a strong graphic to use on a poster.  There were a lot of books on the science of mythology, or the science behind magical beliefs, or the "Mythbusters" series.  But not a lot on the mythic meaning of science, or stories we share as a culture about how to do science.

There are some misconceptions about how science works:  the apple falling on Newton's head, or the idea of a rebel scientist working alone to make a breakthrough.  But these aren't myths in the sense of a story or symbol that explains.

I'm coming to the conclusion that science -- or at least science funding -- doesn't have gods and goddesses.  We have a toolkit:  measurement, rigorous observation, deductive reasoning, and disproving the null hypothesis.  And Bunsen burners.

So how do we keep our signs and march from eliciting the response, "So what?  The elites are crying because their toys got taken away," or "You guys sure spent a lot of money to put a remote control dune buggy on Mars."

"Science is hard," plays back into the idea of elites with toys, too.  Why is it that athlete-elites command so much respect, and science-elites less so?  It takes athletes a lot of practice to get to the Olympics, and some experiments can take as much time and effort, but do we have cities bidding against each other for "science Olympics"?




In the original Disney movie, Tron, there's a scene between Dr. Walter Gibbs, the original founder of a corporation, and Ed Dillinger, its current CEO.  "User requests are what computing is about," says Dr, Gibbs.  "Making money is what computing is about," says Dillinger.

Perhaps I should adopt a different narrative:  funding science will avoid a future Midas story, where plutocrats turn everything they touch into robots; a story not with serfs serving plutocrats, but with drones serving modern-day Borg-ias.  Maybe this isn't so much about de-funding science so much as it is about keeping a serf class uneducated, or industry unregulated.

Somewhere in the back of my mind was an early American quote about a well educated public. I did some searching and found this quote from Thomas Jefferson: 
"The value of science to a republican people, the security it gives to liberty by enlightening the minds of its citizens, the protection it affords against foreign power, the virtue it inculcates, the just emulation of the distinction it confers on nations foremost in it; in short, its identification with power, morals, order and happiness (which merits to it premiums of encouragement rather than repressive taxes), are considerations [that should] always [be] present and [bear] with their just weight." --Thomas Jefferson: On the Book Duty, 1821.

and also

"The most effectual means of preventing [the perversion of power into tyranny are] to illuminate, as far as practicable, the minds of the people at large, and more especially to give them knowledge of those facts which history exhibits, that possessed thereby of the experience of other ages and countries, they may be enabled to know ambition under all its shapes, and prompt to exert their natural powers to defeat its purposes." --Thomas Jefferson: Diffusion of Knowledge Bill, 1779. FE 2:221, Papers 2:526


At this point, it seems like I need Lady Liberty arm-in-arm with the all Nine Muses...  And to think all this started with me wanting to make a sign to carry on a protest march.

Monday, March 06, 2017

Why I Don't Write in Coffee Shops

The other day, Mark wasn't feeling so well when I got home, so I went to a cafe to write.  It was nice enough, I guess, but it only confirmed what I think about writing in cafes:  it's really distracting and not conducive to writing or the writing mystique.  I think what I want in a cafe is more like a PG Wodehouse club, or something I imagine from Masterpiece Theatre to be a club; small tables for three or four, simply but nicely furnished with plush chairs.  Sort of like an elegant library reading room.  Only with tea and little, simple scones.

Luckily, in the real cafe I ended up at, the stereo was playing fairly bland, jazzy odes to New York, which I could tune out.  I was able to sit far enough away from the woman who was on a cell phone, using the place as if it were her own office--but that meant that I needed to share a long table with this guy who was sneezing and sniffing and snorting and talking to himself as he worked on what I thought was a sociology paper, but apparently was a music video.  There were the obligatory young women oversharing their personal lives with the crowd, but they managed to mostly speak below the ambient sound of crooners crooning New York arias.  The counter staff were very nice; the hot chocolate was OK, and the scone OK in an industrial kind of way; I really just wanted a poppyseed bagel, but they were out--next time I will have to see if they have any grapes or cheese.  

I managed to clean up some scenes and do some story maintenance in the thin hour I had before I had to go pick up The Child, who said that I smelled like coffee when he hopped into the car.  



Post cold recovery continues.  Mark decided that Saturday would be cleaning day, so he moved most of the furniture around and I mopped our floors.  And then we napped.  We didn't do a whole lot this weekend except read and nap at the house.  The big excitement was the light snowfall we got Sunday (and again this Monday), which The Child hoped would cancel school, but it melted by 10:30.  Lots of snow fell Monday morning in the hills (I guess the snow line must be about 300 feet), which made for some picturesque tree lines, but we had maybe a quarter of an inch of mostly slush.  



Saturday, March 04, 2017

Post February Cold Dream

Coming out of a twelve-day cold that's been going around town.  I had a fever last week for a few days, and I've spent most of the time congested and not really able to focus on things.  If I get enough sleep, I'm hoping that I'll be able to beat this thing without it moving down into my chest, which apparently is what happens for some folks.

I was struggling to finish a story in time for a deadline.  I was disparing of being able send something in when I recalled I had a free -- and finished -- manuscript that would fit the bill, so I've sent that manuscript in (3/2/17) with crossed fingers.  I had one of those ambigious moments reviewing the older manuscript (corrected a typo), where I really liked the story, and it was something I wrote mostly three years ago, so I had a "gee, I used to be able to write" moment.

No gym (because I've been napping and trying to write), although I actually managed to plank while I was waiting for a computer reboot, so that's something.



The other day I had a very long dream.  It started out with The Child going on a walk across the nation and ending up in Conneticuit or Maine.  He walked into a school play being put on by fourth, fifth, and sixth graders.  I was sort of there, sort of not, in a dream-narrator-participator way... I might have been overseeing his journey like some Greek diety overseeing a hero... anyway... I don't remember what the play was about, but The Child unrolled a kind of kite that was navy, purple, and yellow, and turned out to be a dog-sized dragon named Elliot.  

There was a scene shift, and I was a wandering bohemian.  Actually, there was something about an open library night, and a group of us--who all seemed to be in our early twenties--were wandering in a labyrinthine collection of rooms; each room was a different part of the Dewey system, so there was the Religions Room, and the Sculptures Room, and the Astronomy Room, (only it was the 300's room, the 600's and the 700's rooms). 

The dream became more Moulin Rouge technicolor, sort of like Clue, now that I think about it, because everyone had their signature color.  I was popping in and out of third-person omniscient and various characters' points-of-view.   

There was a scene in a kind of common hall or study.  A young woman in a white, knee-length crinoline dress sat on a red couch in a used-to-shabby room with no carpet on the hardwood floors.  There were bookshevles of some dark wood. 

There was more, but I should have written it down when I had the dream, because the recall is poor.  A group of us--we were all twenty-something and in signature colors--decided to stage a protest and prank.  It ended up me (as a purple-clad twenty-something) shooting a policeman or security guard with a shotgun (which wasn't supposed to be loaded).  I had a moment where I was directing the dream from a short distance, and I muttered "Poof! And you're shot," under my breath.  The actor playing the shot person took my utterance the either as an accusation about being a poof or else as being very dismissive of his dying scene.  I leaned against square column in a train station like area and watched him angrily walk away (he was wearing a long rain coat, which reminds me vaguely of Sherlock Holmes).

There was another scene--I have a vague notion of being on the lam-- which ended in some kind of reality dancing show; and as the camera panned out on the judge, there was a black bar across the face of the dancer in purple, to protect his identity from the police.




Monday, February 20, 2017

Weekend Gym Report

Saturday (2/19) The Child and I went to the Asian Celebration.  I wish we had gone a little earlier, because I like the performances.  The Child was mostly interested in the food... which was difficult because the food area was very congested and food purchases required standing in a long line to get vouchers (one per dollar) and another long line to actually purchase food.   We saw our Kung Fu friends perform, and they did a really nice job.  

Then we drove up to Corvallis to have a Very Last Minute, Hastily Arranged Birthday Gathering for my sister, Julie.  The gathering was very laid back and it was a nice time to visit.  

Sunday (2/20):  Went to the gym.  20 minutes on the rowing machine for about 200 calories at about 650 cal/hr.  3x13x60lbs on the pec fly.  3x13x70lbs on the lat pull-down.  3x13 Roman chiar curl-ups.  3x13x35lbs barbell curls.  2x8x35lb reverse barbell pulls (or whatever they're called).  Some dumbbell tricepts curls.

I'm fighting off some congestion, so I felt a little tired in the gym.  I've had some dreams, but I don't recall them very well.  

Writing:  This week in writing I'm working on a 3000 word short for On the Premises.  I've won their contest twice in the past, and I'm trying to keep in mind what worked in those pieces in terms of world building and punchiness as I write the current piece.  I've got the story's outline, and various scenes, and I need to finish fleshing things in while focusing on the stakes and not getting bogged down in details.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Rainy Dreams

Thursday Morning:  Lots and lots of rain in the middle of the night.  I woke up several times to rain against the window and the ticking of the baseboard heater.

Dream Segment One:  My mother, father, sister's family and my family had gone to a park, sort of like Disney, but not.  We were on a rollercoster, which had a lot of sharp turns and loops in it, and a very sarcastic song about how roleercosters make you want to throw up, and how all the cheap candy you've eaten isn't sitting so well, and how theme parks in general are over-priced and hokey.  Sort of "Be Our Guest" meets the second Willy Wonka movie scene where the chocolate factory automatons catch on fire.

Dream Segment Two:  The rollercoaster may have come to a stop at the edge of a building loosely based on the Hult Center.  There were lots of blocky, blue and turquoise glazed walkways, and blocks of laurels or azaleas or possibly tea plants.  The plants and raised walkways jutted out at a few points, and made a narrow amphitheater area.

Two men (I think) came out and stood on blocks to my left.  A woman in Asian attire stood out on our left and started some sort of tea ceremony.  (Someone shared a video about a Kung Fu tea ceremony, which I'm guessing this is where this came from.)

A teen girl came out and indicated that she was ready to do her part, which turned into a teen angst show about a girl (her) getting a part in a play (the play we were watching).  In a dream-shift, a tent or awning appeared.   The play moved forward, and I scurried forward and stood next to a tent pole.  An ensemble cast of teens came out and half-heartedly sang, and then backed up; I found myself suddenly in the performance area, trying to hide behind teens and pretending to sing as if I were a cast member.

There was a little more, but the most interesting part was the credits at the end, which were projected from a small iPad-like device sitting behind a box onto a paper screen on the top of the box.

Dream Segment Three:  I'm not sure how long this had been going on; I was an omniscient, third person observer.  The setting was a wildlife park, or  zoo, or jungle.   A burly man, clean-shaven, with curly brown hair, was in a rocky-edged pool (I'm pretty sure the dream borrowed the otter's pen or the aviary from the Oregon aquarium, only with football sized basalt embedded in the sides) with a tiger, leading the tiger along the edge of the pool.  "Come on Tony," the man said.  "Let's go, you can do it."

The focus moved in to sharp focus on the man, whose arm was underneath the tiger's front legs, helping the tiger to wade out of the pool.  Another tiger paw reached over the man, and rested on the first  tiger's head.  The focus widened out to include all three of them.

"Simon!" (Or maybe Sampson or Simba, I'm guessing on the tigers' names) "It's time for Tony to leave."  Tony was going to be re-released into the wild.  A set of muscles on the mans neck and upper back writhed and bristled as he stared down Simon.  Slow, Simon let go of Tony.

Dream Segment Four:  I have the sense that I was on some sort of family vacation, and we were staying at a resort.  The recall is fuzzy here, but I think we were watching someone's pet hippo.  Or maybe cow... or pig...  but I'm pretty sure it was a dark brown hippo.  The hippo was about the size of a pony or very large dog.  And fat.  And muddy.  Somehow, I found myself in the muddy trough where the hippo lived, giving it a hug and scratching it's ears.



Working Out:  Had a quick trip to the gym:  3x13x60lbs on the pec fly; 3x13x70lbs lat pull-down; 3x14 Roman-chair curl-ups; 3x13x35lbs bar-bell curls.  Then ran upstairs for a five minute, 52 calorie run on the elliptical.


Norse Locker Room

I purchased and read Neil Gaiman's "Norse Mythology" over the weekend.

While it was fun to read some of the stories that I remember reading when I was in second grade, the tribal, clannish, cattle-raiding values of the myths depressed me more than I expected.   In some ways reading them was like hearing stories told by jocks in a locker room, or boys trading boasts about how they had bested their younger brothers.

I think the tales that resonated with me the most was the building of the wall around Asgard, and the Binding of Fenris.   The wall is culturally apropos, and Gaiman's best tragic characterization is with the god Tyr giving his right hand as blood money for Fenris's betrayal.  I was hoping that there would be more characterization; generally Gaiman's most interesting characters in "Norse Mythology" are the gods -- and frequently goddesses -- who are side-players in stories which typically focus on Loki, Thor, and Odin.

The Norse gods -- at least Odin -- are supposed to be aware of Ragnarock, and this is supposed to inform their decisions, but I'm not seeing how this makes them doomed tragic heroes.  There isn't a sense of, "I'm going to do the best that I can in this situation, even if things are predestined, because it's the right thing to do in this moment," which gives the impression of the excuse of "the world's going to end anyway, so who cares?"

I read along, trying to reconcile the feeling that I shouldn't judge another culture's stories, trying not to justify the stories with a "well, if the Norse people were trying to explain natural phenomenon as by personifying them as Ice Giants..."  and at the same time looking for some cultural message to apply to the present day.

In the book, Gaiman encourages his readers to re-imagine the stories.  Thinking more, my tech-boyness is showing, because if it were me, I would focus more on the runes and the craftsmanship of the wonderful treasures and less on the god's guile and treachery.  I would focus more on the choices between and the conflicts between choosing what one wants, what is the right thing to do, and personal wyrd.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Gym Tuesday

Tuesday:  Went to the gym for a quick session.  12 minutes and 150 cal on the rowing machine.  3x13x60 lbs on the pec fly.  3x13x70lbs on the lat pulldown.  3x13 Roman chair curl-ups.  I did some tricepcs curls later at home.

I'm hoping that I can repeat the routine of Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday gym days a few times in a row.  

I slept so soundly post-Valentines that I don't recall any dreams.  

Dream: A Series of Bad Decisions

Monday Morning:  Another anxiety dream.   This one had been going on for a while -- I think we had been at a child's birthday party and the adults were nailing the kids with Nerf Guns --  but my recall starts with the family standing on a rocky outcrop, looking at the ocean as it rolled over the sandy.  I think we were near a river.  I realized several things at once: 1) the tide was coming in, 2) we needed to get back around the rock outcropping or we'd be trapped in a cove, 3) our cooler and art supplies were going to be swept away.

I jumped down onto the sand to try to get the blue and white plastic cooler and the basket of art supplies just as the surf surged around me.  This isn't very smart, I thought as the water rushed around my knees.  There was a moment where I tried to rescue our floating stuff, but I quickly decided I needed to get out of the channel I found myself in.

The scene shifted, and I was slogging through the surf along the covered peirs of a wooden walkway.  When the surf pulled away, there was a space under the wooden siding, and I managed to get under the peir.  This also wasn't the smartest decision, because the rocky ground probably had crabs and anemonies hiding in it, and then the water surged up I was trying to find my way in an akward, rocky, wet, dark, compartmentalized area.  I tried to find the gap I'd come though, but I couldn't and I worried that the unseen surf would surge just as I was trying to squeeze through and trap me underwater.

I have a vague notion I rested on the ground for a moment until worries about pinching creatures got me to my feet again.  I heard voices and started shouting and banging on the boards above me.  I managed to bang a plank loose.  I had an overhead shot of me looking up through the deck of a logger's cafe.  The wait staff was cleaning up between some kind of concernt event.  I've got an impression of lots of plaid.  

Someone reached in and pulled me from underneath the deck.  The scene was now in the middle of the woods, possibly on a river, but the ocean was nowhere to be seen.  I was now an old-ish man, in dennim and a plaid shirt, with a long white Rip-Van-Winkle Beard.  Either the cook or a head waitress brought me a bowl of hot soup (chouder?).  There was an exchange where she said I could stay as long as I liked and I thanked her.  

Then the dream went on to something about a cabin, or a trail through the woods that passed by many cabins. 

I woke up with a slightly upset stomach, and under too many blankets.  

Monday, February 13, 2017

Weekend Report

Went to the gym Thursday.  About 13 minutes and 130 calories on the rowing machine.  3x12x60lbs + 6X60lbs on the pec fly.  3x13x70lbs on the lat pulldown.  3x13 curlups on the Roman chair.  3x12x35lbs on the barbell curls.  I made the mistake of snorting at myself in the mirror during the barbell curlsand had to refrian from laughing.   Getting back to the rowing machine has probably been better for my overall upper chest physique.

Thursday I didn't wear my rings.  All day my fingers felt strangely light, and weird.  

Saturday morning I was virtuous and went to the gym again.  30 minutes and something like 300 calories on the elliptical.  No rowing machine (someone got onto it).  Downstairs 3X13X60lbs on the pec fly.  3X13X70 on the lat pulldown.  3x13 curlups on the Roman chair.  3x12x35lbs on the barbell curls.  I spent some time rolling out my spine and scapulas on a pool noodle.  

I've been remembering my dreams a lot more lately.  I'm not sure if this is because Mark and The Child are home and making more morning noises or the change in the seasons or what.   Mostly they've been interesting, although over the weekend there was a lot of lost at the airport / travel anxiety dreams.   Monday (today) morning's dream involved double-checking my plane ticket before Mark and I were to board, only to discover I'd been given a Muslim man's ticket (his name also started with BURR).  The situation was weird, because my photo on the ticket didn't look anything like me -- and there was way too much personal information printed out on the ticket.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Dream Geometry at the Top of the Mountain

The dream started out on (I think) on my parent's living room floor.  Mark, the Child, and I were camping in my folk's living room.  I'd woken up and what I thought was a cat turned out to be a baby skunk.  (I'm wondering if in real life Cicero was in our bedroom.)  It was dark and slightly difficult to see.  The skunk didn't seem to be upset or anything, it was mostly cautiously curious. I was having thoughts like would it bite if I tried to pick it up? and will we get sprayed?

Eventually, I managed to wrap it in a blanket and take it out to the front door.  When I opened it, I discovered a momma skunk waiting outside.  The skunks were reunited, and in a slightly Disney-esque moment, the baby skunk came up to the door to say good-bye.



There's a break in my recall.  We (mostly my family) were on the South side of Ridgewood.  We were below the W's house, and along the way my Dad called on J.W. to see how she was doing.   (In waking life, my dreams about expeditions which start at Ridgewood usually start out on a nonexistent North side that I've never visited because it's really forested.  This is the first time an expedition has started out on a familiar side.)

Then we took an icy expedition up some mountains.  Somehow, I found my old black leather caviler gloves (which I lost in an airport in the late 90's) and put them on over my current black fingerless gym gloves.  This was a good thing, because it was getting colder and colder.

We kept climbing until we were above dark clouds.  At the top of the mountains there was a institute or village or compound of sorts.  There were a few large concrete buildings scattered along the crest of the mountain (?Mary's Peak?).  The buildings were like cathedrals, in that they were grey, with peaked stone roofs; instead of stained-glass windows, they had tall narrow windows.



At some point the other members of the expedition fell out of the dream, and it was just me.  I met an amalgam of Eric Witchey and someone I knew from high school or college, who worked there.  His name might have been Matt, Lionel, or Todd.... He talked about how planes flew so low over the compound you could almost touch them.  He pointed out a radar dish or some similar structure with a big red 5 painted on it, which I understood to be a prison.  The tops of the mountains receding in the distance all had some sort of compound on them.

Matt gave me a tour.  We went into a concrete barn/cathedral structure.  In waking life, I have a vague notion that it might have been based on Elliot Hall at Reed College.  We walked through a lot of hallways and narrow stairs leading up to offices set up like a choir loft.  On the walls there were large reproductions of coins rotating, almost like gears.  In some places a coin had a chunk out of it; in other places, the coin was missing completely and all that was left was a rotating square axel set in a stone hole in the wall, with black oil or grease marks showing where the coin had been.

Continuing the tour, Matt introduced me to some British men in their 50's -- they seemed very solid and over-dressed in Oxford shirts and vests and a sweater underneath a suede jacket.  We made some small talk.  Buy this time we were in a kind of loft overlooking the stone interior of the building, which was lined with bookshelves containing oversized, leather-bound, hundred-year-old tomes.

There was a twenty-something man and woman there, and somehow we knew mutual acquaintances.  I want to say she had really wavy light-brown hair and he was dressed in jeans, a blue T-shirt with a plaid flannel shirt over that.   It was sort of like I was in a business office and I'd just connected with the geeky techs that actually keep things running.  They knew I was a writer, and they were wanting to write something, and there was an awkward moment where the man was trying to give me an elevator pitch for his novel.   There's a break in my recall...



"I'm a little confused," I said, 'because the concrete brutalism is at odds with the Edwardian interior and all the old books."  There was a poster (I don't remember of what) that was an original from 1901 or something (I'd want to say it was a Mucha, but it was more like a cover from a record album or science fiction book).

I forget what they said about the building, and the tour resumed.  Lots of rooms-upon-rooms.  Matt asked if I wanted a tongue cleaner installed in my mouth.  "I find it's really refreshing," he said.  I looked at him dubiously, as he held up a ping-pong sized spheroid, made out of dull grey plastic, and flipped it so that it irised open, turned inside out, and two blunt, metal prongs waved like wings along its petal-like segments.  It was like a rubric's cube, only a more like a camera iris in the shape of sphere.  The prongs were the tongue-brushes.

I wasn't sold on it, because for it to work properly, you needed to install a short rack of gears on either side of your jaw, which the spheroid engaged with, rolling along the rack's gears as it unfolded and refolded, and brushed your tongue with the prongs.

"Isn't it kind of awkward?"

"Not at all," Matt said.  "I slipped mine in just now and you never noticed."

"This is really interesting," I said, looking at the spheroid.  "Did you 3D print this?"

He took me to a kind of fabrication lab / machine shop.

We went to another room where there were some other 3D printed models on the table.  One looked like a intricate collection of ribbons.  Another small model kept changing shape depending on the angle you looked at it.  It was difficult to see, because it was almost like it was made out of smoke.  I picked it up, and it was difficult to tell I had something in my hands.  I want to say it started out as something like a cube, but then I turned it and it became a snub-cube, or at least something with square and triangular faces.  I turned the object again, and it became a something like a squished octahedron.  "This is fantastic!" I said.  I had an object with a spin of 2 or something:  you had to turn it more than 360 degrees to get to the original face you started with.

The woman and man from earlier in the dream were in the shop and the woman started talking about how the object was self-assembling.  She pulled out a container (I want to say something like a jar of cinnamon) of something like iron filings and they jiggled around on the white table top.   I think we started talking in math -- at any rate, a fierce and intense feeling of concentration hit me.  I think I was shaking and a equations were forming inside simple geometric shapes the filings were forming as I bent my attention upon them.  It was sexual as well as intellectual, and I felt like I was ringing like a bell (it was like I was trying to become some fiery being in a Blake poem).  The man brought out a small blowtorch, and I said something from Monty Python like 'I don't want to go on the cart," but made more topical sense at the time, and everyone laughed.   And I was really close to breaking through and understanding how they'd made these wonderful geometric solids.

And then the dream changed or there was a break....



I must have had a second dream, because I was sitting in a small dinner-theatre audience waiting for the show to begin.  The stage was very deep, and the technical crew was setting up the show.   The audience area was made up of small tables pushed closed together.

I'm thinking in real life there must have been someone having a conversation on the sidewalk outside our house, because in the dream there was a  loud woman having a one of those stupid, why-are-you-saying-those-things-in-public conversation at another table, which was picked up by the theatre's sound system.

The show started, but no one realized it at first, because it was about a down-on-her-luck actress who started out as a theatre patron with no ticket, who then turned into actress who couldn't use the make-up everyone else was.



Then one of the cats knocked our bedroom door open, and I had a startled moment where it seemed a shadowy head, at waist hight, stuck itself beyond the doorframe and then withdrew.  I thought it might be The Child wondering if we were still asleep, but it wasn't.